I grew up in a non-Christian home but was sent to a Christian school. When I was there, I was taught that in order to be right with God and not have to go to hell, I have to confess Jesus as Lord. I had no awareness of why I needed to be right with God or why I was being sent to hell, all I knew was that if I want to escape hell, I have to profess Christ. I did that in the 3rd grade but that profession did not have a lasting impact on my life. Over my childhood years, I would be rebellious towards my teachers, bully my classmates, and had no desire in learning or being a discipline student. In the midst of all my sinfulness, I still called myself a Christian.
When I was in the 7th grade, I tried to talk to mom about Christianity, but she said something that changed the course of my life. She told me that if my life was what Christianity was about, then she didn’t want to have anything to do with Christianity. I remember feeling convicted for the very first time regarding my sin and thinking to myself that if my mom, who isn’t a Christian, is aware of my sins, then surely God knows. In retrospect, I see how God used a non-believer to let me know that I was a non-believer. By God’s grace, He was able to expose my sin for the very first time and I remember crying out to God and wanting to live for Him.
By God’s grace, He revealed Himself more clearly through the Bible and I saw how God was slowly renewing my mind (Romans 12:2) and exposing areas of my own life that I needed to work on. God slowly revealed to me that the reason why I was separated from God was because of my own sin (Isaiah 59:2) and that Christ came to die for my sins and gave me a means to be made right with Him through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ (John 3:16). I began to understand that even the smallest sin (Matthew 5:27-30) is something that God abhors and that the only way for me to be made right with God is to repent of my sin and self righteousness and place my faith in Christ who is the only One who can wash away all my sins. Jesus became more valuable to me when I realized what He did for me so that I didn’t have to go to hell. He gave His life for me so that I can live for His glory.